Addressing the Huge Elephant standing in the center of the Room

First off, let me just say that I've missed this space these last two weeks. I know I've been nearly silent and for that I'm sorry - especially when there are updates on vegetables (THRILLING), loads of doe-eyed cows (CHARMING) and the cutest darn vintage mug I've ever found for only two dollars (HEART-STOPPINGLY FABULOUS). I want to tell you about all these fascinating bits and pieces but I've been paralyzed and mute in the corner while a huge wooly mammoth stands between me and this keyboard. So it's time to tell you the story of "what's happened to Umber in the month of April."

The truth is, times have been tricky and I've really struggled with even opening my computer for the last two weeks. And I promise, it's not you, it's me. Do you remember last month when I wrote of a medical scare and then said something along of the lines of "I don't plan on saying much more in this forum?" Well I misspoke.

At that time I had found a lump (which, by the way, has become one of the most ominous words in the English language) in Lady Lefty which I had checked and imaged. The doctors told me they were "not at all worried" and that they "would be shocked to find out if it was anything but perfectly normal" but in the name of being 100% sure, recommended I wait until I moved to California and then have it biopsied (that was when I wrote this blog post). Well a few days later I received a phone call from the doctor's assistant, who told me that after the full report, they thought I should come in sooner than later to have the biopsy preformed just to be positive. Which, of course, I did.

And then on Friday April 2nd, sometime early evening, with a moving van sitting our driveway and piles of boxes every where I turned, I received THAT phone call. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and so many things flipped upside down in that second, it took me days to figure out gravity again.

Fast forward to present time, here and now in Northern California: I have found a doctor in San Francisco at the UC Medical Cancer campus whom I met last Friday for my initial consultation, plus a team of other professionals who I feel good working with and entrusting with my needs. The good news is that the area of concern is small and that I caught things early on. I'm waiting to be scheduled for a MRI which will give me a wealth of information to make informed decisions with (decisions such as my surgery options, radiation options, etc.) and then be scheduled for my removal of the big C.

As a whole, I've been in incredibly good spirits and I attribute this WHOLY to the women and men out there whom I know have been sending their love and prayers my way for healing and strength (you know who you are. I'm so grateful for you it nearly brings me to tears). But the truth is, this is one of the scariest roads I've walked and even though I KNOW I'll come out on the other side more sinewy and polished than ever, it's still hard.

But.

I will heal.

And I will try my very hardest to love my body through this.

I have no desire to make this blog my vent space for this issue but this is now a part of my life, and I will turn and face it, I will be proactive in every way possible and I will be unable to not share this journey with you. So there is it. And now here we are. Is it time to start talking about cherry blossoms yet?